Posts (page 2)
After waking up to sleet and rain and falling into two inches of slush this morning while attempting to clean off my car, I am in need of some laughs. What better way to ring in the Friday. Lucky for me my friends are constantly sending me great emails and one of them I can't help posting. It's educational afterall. Please enjoy these 4 Quick Lessons in Managment my friend was so kind to pass along:
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. Whe she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson #2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized, "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson #3
A slaes rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find and antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "Ok, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson #4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Clearly I'm making up for lost time today, but I just came across possibly one of the coolest music sites I've seen in a long time courtesy of "the guy with the clothes pins" (thanks buddy!). If you haven't seen and heard it yet, check out Pandora.com and create your own music station. You heard me right, thanks to almost seven years of music analysis and a team of fifty musician-analysts the Music Genome Project can now compile a list of music based on the melody, harmony, instrumentation, rhythm, vocals, lyrics, etc of a favorite artist or song. It's the perfect way to discover new tunes and artists based on what you already know you like.
The fact that all of this is free is just icing on the proverbial cake. Nice.
This clip was shared with me and I didn't think it was worth sitting through until I got like 4 minutes through...
If you have the time and sound (key for this particular clip), watch and you too will think Gladys Hardy could be the funniest 80-somethin woman out there.
Not all holidays are created equal. At least not the upcoming holiday, Valentine's Day. Some people like to romanticize the history and wish for flowers and chocolates, while others take a less enthusiastic approach. Even though I avoid most of the traditional Valentine's Day gifts, I can appreciate the thoughtful ideas some people come up with on this holiday.
My feeling, if you're going to do something for this mostly commercial holiday, make it good and original.
So if you are in the area, JK Baking in Newton, MA has the sweetest (literally) gift idea for your loved ones. Their "Crush Box" is perfect for that shy guy you've secretly been dreaming about in the corner cube, or your girlfriend who is expecting the tired old heart-shaped box of Hershey candies (shame shame).
Not only will they bake up some delicious homemade goodies and package them up in cloth covered boxes for you, but they will deliver them to your Valentine as well. If you want to be mysterious and remain anonymous, they will keep the sender secret until the crush calls them and reciprocates with you name as their crush! It's perfect!
Unless of course, your crush is on a strict diet.
It's official, every die hard fan who has been following the life of Harry Potter and his friends for the last...oh 9 years (I myself became addicted in 99' with Chamber of Secrets) will hopefully find the answers to all the questions the previous 6 books have raised when the 7th and final installment, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released on July 31st. (Dare I mention that date is less then six months away!) I could get into a long converstation on the questions that finishing the Half-Blood Prince inspired but, that would probably bore the pants off anone who is a dedicated fan, so I'll restrain myself.
This release has been anticipated not only by fans however, but stockholders are already putting additional money behind the Potter franchise, which officially celebrates it's 10th anniversary this year since the first book was published and has sold 325 million copies of the books worldwide. I wish I had been old enough to consider investing in this when I first stumbled upon the series in tiny bookshop on the Cape, but alas I was only 14. With 2,009,574 copies of the Half-Blood Prince sold on the first day alone in London, and with the price of the upcoming monumental hardback set at $34.99 for the regular version (the deluxe eddtion will go for around $65), investors are anticipating some HUGE sales. In fact Bloomsbury shares were up 2.2% after the release announcement was made yesterday by AP.
In other Harry Potter related news, we also have the upcoming movie to look forward to this summer (July is going to be a good month) and you can find out what onscreen Harry Potter has been up to here. If you haven't already heard, he's hitting the London stage in... well... practically nothing. It'll be interesting to see if Daniel Radcliffe can in fact shed his wizard boy image, but I guess this play is one way to start!
Welcome to that wonderful time of year, when temperatures drop to sub zero levels ("I'm not looking at you funny my eyeballs are frozen"), your skin starts to dry up (hello to gallons of moisturizer), static cling sometimes causes embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions ("my skirt is around my what?"), and the usual buzz of office chatter is replaced by the sounds of sneezes and nose blowing (so gross, words alone can not describe). Ah yes, New England winters. They make me reconsider why I left the tropics of Florida to come here and walk around in 20 layers of clothes and mittens the size of my head.
During this magical time of year however, we New Englanders utilize many tactics to get through the long winter months, hibernation unfortunately NOT being one of them. One of my favorites is to plan trips. Trips to warm places. There are so many online resources available to the chilly vacation planner, money is no longer has to be such an issue and the type of trip is practically limitless.
Besides the usual suspects though (Orbitz, Travelocity, etc), I wanted to share a new addition to a site I only just learned about. Kayak.com just introduced a new section for all you cruise junkies out there (you know who you are). Search cruise deals just like you would flights and enjoy several days of sun, food, water, and pretty much everything else your heart desires at one all inclusive price. Though I've never been on a cruise, I know many who have and they talk about it, almost every time I see them, and rave about how much fun they had. You don't have to break the bank on one of these babies either. The great thing about a cruise is that all the extra stuff you'd usually pay extra for - like shows, clubs, classes, etc - is included on the ship!
So bon voyage! Enjoy your cruisin'!
Have you ever hit that point at work when you just can't take it anymore? You know the moment I'm talking about; you're brain suddenly comes to a screaching halt and the only complete though you can muster is to order yourself to click on YouTube.com to surf the day's most popular clips. Or worse you end up on one of the latest celebrity blogs (my favorites are www.popsugar.com, www.thesuperficial.com, and www.pinkisthenewblog.com) and waste away the remainder of your work day reading about what other people are doing, like shopping or graduating rehab.
Today, I wasn't the one who hit that slacking off point, but a coworker of mine did and he even sent us a picture to show just how bored he REALLY was.
There are no words to describe it... nope, I got nothing. I'm guessing this isn't the best way to occupy your time or slack off, but it is one of the funniest things I've seen today.
For anyone who hasn't seen these, I'm sure there are at least two of these that you have thought about saying at some point:
New Rule: Stop giving me that ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don' eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: "Lucky bastards."
New Rule: If you need to shave and you stillcollect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's our flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandma figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread add cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: If you're goingto insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screen. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 months." "He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minumum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo even available piece of flash. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
For every tech-head, gadget-freak, or for anyone who likes to know what technology really is in fact "new", I'd like to point to probably the BIGGEST consumer electronic event of the ear, CES which is happening right now in Las Vegas. For anyone who knows me, you are aware of my fascination with gadgets and it just so happens that my work now involves the show. So technically it is now part of my job to keep an eye on the latest and greatest for consumer electronics.
Today was the second day of big annoncements and some of them have been whispered about for weeks now. If you are among the television enthusiasts and have been dreaming about that rumored 120 inch display, you may be slightly disappointed with the screen that was actually released by sony, which came to only 108 inches (now the world's largest over last year's, a 103 inch). Shucks, 12 inches short. What a rip off.
Check out some additional gadgets on Yahoo's CES site, my personal choice for CES coverage.
And as for the major Apple announcements from coinciding Macworld, it is official, Apple has released the iPhone (despite trademark concerns), which turns out to be pretty darn neat. The entire phone is a touch screen so that it is completely button-free! With up to 8GB of storage it can be used as a smartphone, MP3 player, camera, video monitor, or PDA and comes equipped with WiFi and Apple's OS. I can't decide if it is complete overkill or the future of portable electronic devices. Either way, I want to see one for myself. Unfortunately these babies aren't cheap ($499-$599) and they're not arriving until June, so I'm going to have a bit of a wait.
So if you see the acronym CES anywhere in the news now, you'll know what to expect and if you check out some of the announcements online, you'll have some great techie bits to bring up next time someone starts raving about how great their new BlackBerry is. You know, it's nothing compared to the Apple iPhone.
I, like many people, dragged myself through the week following New Year's, feeling each calorie that I consumed over the holidays, every goodie and glass of alcohol (lots of sneaky calories). It wasn't the best feeling, but after the confetti settled it became clear that with the official "holiday season" done, I would have more time to spend on myself; to better myself if you will. With so many of us looking to improve upon certain things, I went on the search for some motivational tips.
With the New Year comes new resolutions, one of which and probably the most popular is a focus on our physiques. Whether you are looking to work on the pounds you've gained over the holidays, have a specific area you've been wanting to tone up, or are just curious how far you can push yourself while still living a semi-normal life, there are some great resources at your fingertips! And I found an excellent one.
So add this site your Favorites list and start visiting on a regular basis, because these celebrity trainers are used to a variety of situations, demands, and results and they weigh in (pardon the pun, I couldn't help myself) on numerous types of workouts and motivational techniques. http://fitlist.msnbc.msn.com/
The nine trainers, some of whom you may recognize, add their most inspiring ideas and experiences on this fitness blog to give readers fresh workouts and techniques that will help them shape their bodies and reach their goals. I'm officially addicted and hope you will be too! I've never been more motivated to grab my new pink iPod and hit the gym to try some of these exercises out!
